Evermore Forums  

Go Back   Evermore Forums > Main Sector > Coffee House > Music and Entertainment

Notices

Music and Entertainment Discuss music, movies, television, and other forms of entertainment besides videogames here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 03-26-2016   #1
Don Chipotle
Aw shucks, sugar cube
 
Don Chipotle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
(5498 days)
Location: Ponyville
Age: 32
Posts: 11,819
Threads: 1261
Style: Ocean Shoals
Time spent on board:
9 month 0 week 5 day

Don Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanity
Don Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanity
Send a message via AIM to Don Chipotle Send a message via Yahoo to Don Chipotle
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: A Summary of a Shit Show

When it comes to comics your two big dogs are, of course, Marvel and DC. You can talk about smaller publishers and indie shit all you like but if you were to ask someone off the street, chances are they'll know Marvel and they'll know DC, and even bigger chances are they'll only know of either because of movies.

Ever since Marvel got really ambitious with the release of Iron Man and the promise of a future Avengers movie, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has pretty much been this juggernaut of a franchise that is most likely going to be the defining franchise of the generation. It was a massive risk, especially given that until the rise of the MCU the most well regarded superhero movie was Spider-Man 2. Spider-Man was and still is a well known figure, which is probably why his movies (well...two of them) were popular; he's a fucking icon. But who the fuck is Iron Man? Thor? Ant-Man? Wha?

Marvel took a huge chance and introduced the world to characters that people outside the realm of comics might not've heard of and in so doing created this entire cinematic universe. With a third Captain America movie due out in May, this one pitting characters against each other, Marvel is in a good spot as they continue to build towards their larger, galactic narrative threads.

On the other end of the spectrum there's DC who has luxuries that Marvel didn't. People know Superman. Superman is the most iconic fucking superhero there is. Batman is everyone's favorite when they are dumb teens because they think that 'he has no super powers he's so realistic and cool' and they are dumb. But Batman is still an iconic, well known name even outside the circle of comic readers because the character just recently had a very well received trilogy of movies by a competent, if a bit...not good anymore, director.

So DC has two of the most iconic characters around and they have had years to see what Marvel is doing right (and wrong) with regards to their cinematic universe...it makes sense that they would want to take their knowledge and more iconic characters and one up Marvel, right? Hell, they even have a bunch of television shows with their less popular characters rolling around...which Marvel does better on Netflix but still, DC has everything working FOR it so a movie with two goddamn titans of the industry should be a recipe for success, right?

Oh my God how fucking wrong you are and there are two reasons why.

Zack. Snyder.

I don't know who decided to give the keys to the entire DC Cinematic Universe to Zack Snyder but they could not have picked a worse choice. Zack Snyder is a director that is easy to pick on, be it his awful and gratuitous use of slow motion, his visual style being bleak and muddy for no reason, or just for making shit movies. But when it comes to comic book adaptations, the guy has no idea what he's doing because his idea of an adaptation is 'make it exactly like the comic I guess?'

People defend 300 because of its style and sure, I guess you could say that his particular style was effective there even if the movie itself was a pile of hot garbage. But if you watch Watchmen you'll see that he doesn't have an understanding of the source material at all, evidenced by Rorschach being seen as a heroic character. The same lack of understanding was again seen in the first step in the DCCU, Man of Steel.

Man of Steel was a bleak movie. An overlong, dull, brooding mess of a film. It turned Superman from an ideal of hope and humanity into an introspective, cowardly sadsack. Superman as a character doesn't work when you turn him into a weeping mess and layer on the heavy handed Christ comparisons. Nor does it work as a movie when you have a character that is meant to inspire and give hope to people, spend the entire last act decimating a city.

But Man of Steel made money so DC handed the keys to Snyder and told him to make DC's version of Avengers because damn they need money.

And so we have Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, a movie that gets everything so fundamentally wrong you have to wonder who is truly to blame for how bad it is.

This is going to contain spoilers for the movie so this is your one and only warning.

To explore what went wrong, let's do a summary of the movie because it's so ridiculous that it has to be talked about.


The movie opens with the death of Batman's parents over the opening credits because you can't tell a Batman story without killing his fucking parents I guess. A young Bruce Wayne runs away and falls into a cave filled with bats. Like...like a bat cave. These bats all wake up and fly around him and you would think this is where he got the whole 'mastering fear' thing from but no, instead the bats lift him up out of the cave like he was some kind of bat messiah.

At the end of Man of Steel, when Superman is fighting Zod and nearly leveling Metropolis, Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck, who does fine with what he has) arrives to witness the destruction and to see his own building crumble to the ground. He saves a man named Wally - and I honestly thought that this guy was going to turn out to be Wally West but don't worry, they're going with Barry Allen and that will become obvious - who loses his legs because a chunk of Wayne Financials crushes him. After saving a little girl, Bruce watches with a scowl as Superman fights.

Eighteen Months Later.

Lois Lane is in Africa to interview a warlord. "They didn't tell me the interviewer was a woman," the warlord leers. "I'm not a woman," Lois shoots back in what was meant to be an empowering line for a fucking nothing of a character, "I'm a journalist!" The two discuss drones while some bearded white guy discovers that Jimmy Olson, the photographer accompanying Lois, is a CIA plant. Jimmy Olson then gets shot in the face right in front of Lois who is then captured by the warlord. From journalist to helpless damsel in thirty seconds.

The warlord retreats to his bunker while the bearded white guy and a team of other white guys shoots the darkies and leaves just as Superman flies in, knocks the warlord out, and saves Lois.

Back in Metropolis, Lois is no longer the cool, confident woman, sorry, JOURNALIST, she just was because she saw Jimmy Olson get shot. This is the same woman, shit, JOURNALIST, who in the last movie was captured by a Kryptonian and nearly killed multiple times and witnessed firsthand the destruction the Kryptonians could do. But Jimmy Olson being shot makes her freak out. After Superman gives her a flower and some bathtub sex, her little bit of PTSD is resolved because this is a two and a half hour movie that says "Fuck that" when it comes to giving their characters depth.

In Washington D.C., Senator Finch (Holly Hunter) believes that Superman shouldn't be seen as a deity and that he should be held accountable for his actions. Which, hey, fair point given what he did in Man of Steel. She hears testimony from someone from Africa who says that Superman killed a bunch of terrorists and the terrorists retaliated by attacking her village. What goes unsaid is that the people that died were killed with bullets and Superman doesn't use guns. But a bunch of news stories play all with varying views on whether or not Superman is an actual literal God. Neil DeGrasse Tyson is one of these people because I guess astrophysics still ain't paying the bills and the kids love Tyson.

Clark Kent hears stories of Gotham City's bat vigilante and wants to do a story on him because he sees Batman as dangerous. And he is well within his rights to think so because we are then introduced to this Batman when two Gotham cops (I assume it's Gotham, the movie isn't clear and also makes Gotham out to be a fucking stone's throw away from Metropolis) find a bunch of Asian girls in a cage. Human trafficking, fun for the whole family. One of them states how a devil saved them. They find the trafficker tied up and fucking branded with the Batman symbol. Like literally branded right on his skin. We are then told that this brand is a literal death sentence in prison. Batman is literally judge, jury, and executioner and we are LITERALLY TOLD THIS by Clark Kent looking at photos of Bat Branded victims marked 'JUDGE, JURY, EXECUTIONER' because Zack Snyder doesn't understand subtle.

Lex Luthor (played by Jesse Eisenberg) enters the movie as a crazy person that has somehow been put in charge of Lexcorp because of inheritance or something. Rather than having Lex be anything at all like, well, Lex, he comes off as someone emulating The Joker. He meets with Senator Finch and wants to take the kryptonite from General Zod's terraforming device in the last movie. He's discovered that kryptonite can hurt Kryptonians and wants to create a weapon as a 'deterrent' because he hates Superman for reasons that don't exist. The Senator says "you can piss in a jar and call it granny's sweet peach tea" because she's from the south and all southerners talk like that, "but don't call a weapon a deterrent" she says, stonewalling him.

Luthor decides to send people to get the kryptonite anyway.

At a fundraiser hosted by Lex, Clark meets Bruce and no one gives a shit except Lex because I guess he knows who they are? Lex mostly spends the movie speaking in riddles and faux philosophical buzzwords and at one point says his father abused him so he donned the fedora and subscribed to r/atheism.

Batman has been chasing leads to a 'white Portuguese' that he believes is Lex Luthor smuggling a dirty bomb into Gotham. So he sneaks away from the party (Clark hears Bruce talking to Alfred) and uses a device to copy Lex's data in the storage room. But his device is stolen by an antiques dealer played by Gal Gadot. It's Wonder Woman. His device is stolen by Wonder Woman (who is also never named in the movie, outside of being called 'Miss Prince' once). Clark sees on the news that a girl in Mexico is gonna die in a fire so he fucks off to Mexico to save her and the Mexicans all praise him. Because we can't go ten minutes without Superman being compared to God.

Batman has a dream where Superman is a tyrant and also it's Apokolips or something whatever. This dream has Batman gunning people down and ends with Batman being killed by an angry Superman. Batman then wakes up and suddenly fucking Barry Allen shows up like it's fucking Flashpoint or something and tells Bruce that 'he's right about him' and some shit about Lois. Then Barry Allen is like "OH SHIT I'M EARLY" and peaces out.

Bruce Wayne never mentions this to anyone and now he wants to fight Superman not because of Man of Steel but because of a fucking dream.

Lois Lane meanwhile learns that Lexcorp made the bullets that killed the Africans and pieces together that Lex Luthor is trying to frame Superman. Lois Lane is a better detective in this movie than Batman. Batman decides to steal the kryptonite from Lex after learning that the White Portuguese is the name of the boat the green shit is on. Alfred cautions Bruce by saying that he's gonna start a war with God. Bruce yells at Alfred about all the lives.

Batman then spends the entire next scene wantonly shooting and killing people with the Batmobile in an effort to steal the kryptonite. He is stopped by Superman who tells Batman to cut this shit out. Batman taunts Superman by asking if Superman bleeds. Superman fucks outta there. It's at this point, after Batman has killed about two dozen or so people without a thought, that Batman has no leg to stand on when it comes to thinking Superman needs to be held responsible for his actions. Batman kills a whole shitload of people in this movie. Superman goes out of his way to not kill someone at the very start.

Back at D.C. Senator Finch holds a hearing to discuss the validity of Superman's actions. Lex Luthor is there to be like "Hey Senator, really wish you let me do my thing!" then sends in Mercy Williams, played by a silent Asian woman, to watch the hearing. Wally is brought in as a witness, now in a wheelchair provided by Luthor, and back in Gotham Bruce is like "WHY THE FUCK IS WALLY THERE, I PAY HIM, NOT LEX" and then Bruce finds out that Wally is on Luthor's payroll and the Wally checks are sent back with Joker-esque taunting messages about how Batman's parents are dead.

Superman arrives at the hearing and Senator Finch notices a jar of piss in front of her. A jar of piss labeled 'granny's sweet peach tea'. And then Wally's wheelchair explodes in a suicide bombing in the U.S. Capitol building. Superman did nothing and does nothing to prevent this and instead just fucks off to the arctic to brood and say how there's nothing good in the world after all.

Wonder Woman gives Bruce his thing back and Bruce learns that Diana Prince is a centuries old warrior. He also finds a bunch of icons that coincidentally are the same icons of iconic members of the Justice League. Lex Luthor has known about the future JLA members for years now but just really hates Superman because he's pissed at God because his dad was an asshole.

That's as close to a motivation as we get.

Batman builds a Superman buster suit and a kryptonite arsenal while Lex Luthor adds his DNA to General Zod's DNA in the Genesis Chamber and then has his goons kidnap Martha Kent and Lois Lane. This draws Superman to rescue Lois and Superman is like "oh I guess I'm good?" and goes to confront Luthor. Luthor is like "Kidnapped your mom, guy, go kill Batman for me, k?" Luthor's entire plan is "I'm gonna make you kill Batman because God cannot be all powerful AND all good".

Superman, who realizes Lex is behind this shit, goes to confront Batman. Superman shows up and is like "BATMAN, LISTEN TO ME, IT'S LEX" but Batman had a bad dream and won't hear any of it. So now with twenty minutes left to go in this thing, Batman finally fights Superman. Superman could just hold Batman down and be like "LISTEN YOU FASCIST FUCK IT'S LEX" but instead he holds back the whole time and lets Batman just beat the everloving shit out of him for three minutes.

Batman is about to kill Superman with a kryptonite spear but Superman says "Save Martha" and Batman is like "WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT NAMEEEEEEEE?" Lois rushes to the scene and explains that Superman's mother is named Martha. This makes Batman drop the spear and become best friends with Batman. This grand fight ends because Batman and Superman's mom's have the same fucking first name.

Batman then goes to save Martha Wayne (killing the captor and a bunch of people in the process) while Superman goes to confront Lex to be like "HAHA, BATMAN AND I ARE BROS NOW I GUESS" while Lois takes the kryptonite spear and tosses it in a body of water.

Lex Luthor then reveals that he's still gonna win because he made Doomsday. Doomsday comes tearing ass out and starts fighting Superman.

Wonder Woman meanwhile is sent an email from Batman that is all "HEY WHO ARE YOU WHY ARE YOU IN THIS OLD PICTURE?" and then Wonder Woman looks through Lex Luthor's data and the movie stops, mid fucking climax, to give us trailers for Aquaman, Cyborg, and The Flash.

Superman takes Doomsday to space to fight him and the United States President says "Okay launch a nuke" and they do so. Doomsday and Superman take the nuke dead on. Doomsday crashes onto Stryker's Island and the movie goes out of its way to say that the entire place is uninhabited. Doomsday evolves into Nuclear Doomsday and Batman tries to lead him to where his kryptonite spear is...the same one Lois Lane got rid of. Wonder Woman shows up to save Batman and then Superman shows up to punch Doomsday and the three icons are together yay.

Lois Lane goes to get the spear but nearly drowns so Superman tags out to rescue her yet again. Doomsday meanwhile evolves into Comic Book Looking Doomsday while Wonder Woman cuts off one of his hands and uses the Lasso to restrain him. Batman hits him with a Kryptonite Grenade to weaken him and then Superman is like "I love you Lois" and stabs Doomsday with the spear and dies taking Doomsday down.

Batman and Wonder Woman are like "WE GOTTA GET THOSE OTHER METAHUMANSSSSS" as the world buries Superman. Batman goes to visit Luthor in jail and Luthor is like "BRO THERE'S A SPACE GOD COMING" which I guess means Darkseid because Marvel's got Thanos in the wings. Batman peaces out to go start the Justice League and the movie ends with Superman dead and buried. (but not really)



In case it wasn't clear while reading that summary, the movie's plot is a goddamn mess. It is more interested with building the future than it is in making its own plot work on any level. What this movie wants to be is a combination of The Dark Knight Returns and Death of Superman but since Zack Snyder doesn't understand how to do an adaptation or the characters involved, what we have is a two and a half hour trainwreck of a movie that doesn't work on any level outside of MAYBE the score.

This movie wants to give us a Batman that has gone through some shit, in the same vein of Dark Knight Returns. He's lost a Robin. He's a drinker. He's 'grizzled'. And that would be fine if it panned out that way. Instead we get a Batman that just shoots and stabs motherfuckers while still thinking he has the moral high ground in this pointless conflict. He has no legitimate reason to fight Superman at all and it further raises questions with the rest of this universe. Why, for example, does a movie like Suicide Squad exist since the Batman we've been given would have no qualms in killing all of those motherfuckers, including Joker.

Superman is not a character that works on a brooding level. That's what Batman is for. Superman should never be a character that wonders if goodness exists. He should never sulk and sigh and run away because he's afraid that bad people exist. But that's how he spends a third of this movie, sulking and being a downer.

Lex Luthor is a mega intelligent, charismatic, power mad billionaire with a vendetta against Superman. You'd never know that in the movie because he runs around being a mad scientist who took an Intro to Philosophy class and thinks he's profound. "Real devils come from the sky!" he says, pointing to an upside down picture of devils and angels.

There's such a thing as artist interpretation, yes, but none of the three main characters resemble the icons. You should never leave a Superman movie feeling hopeless and depressed, but this is the second time that's happened now.

Scenes end and start at seemingly random intervals because I suppose Zack Snyder hates establishing shots which has the side effect of this movie feeling even more jumbled and wrong than it already is.

This is a movie that spends two hours building up to its title match and then has it be less exciting and less memorable than Jeff Hardy v Sting at TNA Victory Road 2011. Rather than spending those two hours building the essentials like...characters, motivation, plot, or anything, this is a movie that thinks all it has to do is put Batman and Superman together and that will be enough to make money.

And the sad part is that they're absolutely right.

If there's anything nice to say about this movie it's that Wonder Woman is pretty hoss in the one fight she's in at the end. And I guess the soundtrack is okay. Jeremy Irons is good as Alfred and actually gets off the least bad because all he ever does is act opposite Ben Affleck. Henry Cavill is going to reinforce the stupid belief that 'Superman is a boring character' because it's hard to point to another actor in a big budget movie giving as bored and phoned in a performance since Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones 4.

The opening scene of Deadpool, credits and all, is more creative and inspired than anything in this bloated mess of a movie. Nothing makes sense, everything feels forced and all of it is bad. There's a reason Marvel doesn't stop their movies to go "HEY CHECK OUT THIS CLIP OF ANT-MAN BEFORE YOU GO FIGHT WINTER SOLDIER, CAP!" and that's because it fucks with the pacing and comes off as cheap and unearned. Hearing a character mention "Stephen Strange" in a passing conversation does way more world building and hype building than just having Wonder Woman click on perfectly made icons for the poster of the standalone movies.

Zack Snyder is a hack fraud and he and Frank Miller are made for each other. Because both put out utter dogshit when they think they are making a salient commentary on the political climate of our time.
__________________


How dreamlike to see my x-sisters, outside the context of a Papa Song dome. They sang Papa Song’s Psalm, over and over; background hydraulics underbassed that sickening melody. But how jubilant they sounded! Their Investment was paid off. The voyage to Hawaii was under way, and their new life on Xultation would shortly begin... Watching them from the hangway, I envied their certainty about the future.

Last edited by Don Chipotle; 03-26-2016 at 03:30 PM.
Don Chipotle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-27-2016   #2
Pretentious Mod
Raistifer's little bitch
Yvlla
Our Sweet Prince
 
Yvlla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
(6337 days)
Location: Cy
Age: 34
Posts: 17,389
Threads: 1766
Style: Ultima
Time spent on board:
7 month 0 week 4 day

Yvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanity
Yvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanityYvlla is a brilliant tribute to humanity
Send a message via AIM to Yvlla Send a message via MSN to Yvlla Send a message via Yahoo to Yvlla
Quote:
Originally Posted by Revenge of Don Chipotle View Post
People defend 300 because of its style and sure, I guess you could say that his particular style was effective there even if the movie itself was a pile of hot garbage
For fucks sake, you don't look at a beautiful picture and call it garbage. You may as well argue that Dr. Caligari is garbage. You're not there to be wowed by witty dialogue and plot twists and such, you're there for an aesthetic, and in that regard, Snyder knocked it out of the park.

But Batman vs Superman is not something as one dimensional as Ancient Greek warriors, so I can see where he would be a bad fit for this movie.
Yvlla is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-27-2016   #3
Don Chipotle
Aw shucks, sugar cube
 
Don Chipotle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
(5498 days)
Location: Ponyville
Age: 32
Posts: 11,819
Threads: 1261
Style: Ocean Shoals
Time spent on board:
9 month 0 week 5 day

Don Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanityDon Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanity
Don Chipotle is a brilliant tribute to humanity
Send a message via AIM to Don Chipotle Send a message via Yahoo to Don Chipotle
I'd never argue Caligari is garbage because Caligari is more than just its style. Like it is a landmark film in the same sense that Citizen Kane is. There's depth to it, it's art that says something and stands for something.

300 is a Thomas Kinkade painting.

300 also gave Snyder false confidence. The hyper kinetic style of action present is now his trademark because Snyder is the kind of director who thinks "Well it worked once, why can't it work all the time" to the point where it's almost Michael Bay levels of self parody.
__________________


How dreamlike to see my x-sisters, outside the context of a Papa Song dome. They sang Papa Song’s Psalm, over and over; background hydraulics underbassed that sickening melody. But how jubilant they sounded! Their Investment was paid off. The voyage to Hawaii was under way, and their new life on Xultation would shortly begin... Watching them from the hangway, I envied their certainty about the future.
Don Chipotle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2016   #4
T1000416
Obertausendkämpfer
 
T1000416's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
(6500 days)
Age: 32
Posts: 1,315
Threads: 109
Style: Evening Sky
Mood: I'm pretty comfortable
Time spent on board:
2 week 0 day 9 hour

T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!
T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!T1000416 is a star, a bright shining star!
Send a message via AIM to T1000416
Quote:
I don't know who decided to give the keys to the entire DC Cinematic Universe to Zack Snyder....
I do. It was this guy.



... this guy and his brother thought "yeah, Zack Synder. He's our man. He has the vision to do Man of Steel in a way that will work. And because about 10 other directors turned us down." At the time Synder had been responsible for a few bombs and studios were beginning to back away from him. That is until that guy in the picture, who was hot shit at the time and had the clout to make those kind of decisions, hired him as director.

Makes me angry, I swear. Like there really doesn't need to be more than one Michel Bay out there, you know?
__________________
T1000416 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:30 PM.

Page generated in 1.80741 seconds (99.19% PHP - 0.81% MySQL) with 13 queries

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2022 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.