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Old 05-10-2015   #1
Don Chipotle
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Awful Video Game Music

You know what we need less of? People praising the same fucking games over and over again for their music. Yes, we know that fucking Nobuo Uematsu and Koji Kondo and Yoko Shimmomura and Inon Zur and the fucking other guys have put out some bangin' video game tunes over the years. I'm tired of listening to good music. No one ever talks about the bad video game music, or not nearly as much as they should be.

Good music is memorable. Bad music SHOULD be, if only to stare blankly and ask yourself "Did they REALLY ship a game with a song like this in it?"

I don't mean songs like the boss battle theme from Blue Dragon which is so bad it's amazing. I mean songs that you want to mute. Awful Video Game Music. It's out there. Post some.


"Buying Goods at Palmira"

Now it's probably unfair to start off with a hot banger like this because how could anything be worse than this? Before people gave a shit about From Software because of their Souls games (shut up, Armored Core fans!) they put out a bunch of middling games. And if you ask me, From has only ever put out middling games with three notable exceptions. EverGrace is one of those middling games that no one gives a shit about or probably has even heard of. I think I know why.

Here's a fun game. Close your eyes and open the tab. Open your eyes when you want to double check that you only opened ONE tab. See if you can make it past three seconds.

This is not a good song by any stretch of the imagination. It sounds like someone as given instruments and a half hour to make noise happen. And then it was like layered incorrectly so it sounds like three songs playing at once and one track has these weird vocals and it's a goddamn mess. The composer for this game also composes the Armored Core games and I'm pretty sure the music in that isn't awful. Or maybe it is, I don't play shitty games. FUCKIN' BURN! No but really, the composer does shit for your flagship series and you STILL let him have a job after he churned out this turd?

No wonder you weren't shit until Souls, From. Damn.


"Central City"

A lot of people will tell you that Mass Effect 3 or Dragon Age 2 or The Old Republic are the worst things BioWare has ever done. Those people are all wrong because it's this. Not the game, which is not good at all and remains their shameful secret, but this fucking song. I'm almost positive the DS could do music better than...whatever quality and type this garbage is in. Fuck, the Genesis game that this song takes its remix from sounded better.

It's even more tragic because the composers are REMIXING THEIR OWN SONG. And this is the result. I used to listen to better MIDIs before those became pointless. Canyon.mid is from like 1995 and is a better quality than a game made by supposed professional video game makers.

And this was BioWare BEFORE their EA deal. The BioWare people loved.

Sonic really does ruin everything.

And this isn't even the worst song in the game.


"The Great Arts Haud Village"

Everytime someone says something nice about Suikoden they should listen to this song. There's nothing remotely good about it and the fucking percussion just sounds like the composer was like "Fuck it, we've got a steel drum or something, hit it a few times" and then there's the voice track that is obviously the composer trying to scream for help because he's been locked in a small room for months and the sounds of him hitting his head against the wall is being used in a video game.

I don't care if it's by design, the design is fucking shit. It's a shit song.

No wonder Konami stopped making these games!


"The Yoshi Clan"

"We stuck some kazoos up our ass and farted and then Nintendo let us make a shitty game."

"Mansion Basement"

Nothing says 'zombies' quite like the sounds of a trombone played by someone who clearly only picked up the instrument an hour ago.


STOP. Open the next song in a new tab but don't tab over to it. Stay on this page. We're going to play a game.

"Lying in the Darkness"


The game is 'Wait for the rest of the song to start'. Guess it right and win a point!


"Cruisin' U.S.A."

Look, if you want to make a car game with a guy singing, just don't. Not when you've already got the best



Okay now you go.
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How dreamlike to see my x-sisters, outside the context of a Papa Song dome. They sang Papa Song’s Psalm, over and over; background hydraulics underbassed that sickening melody. But how jubilant they sounded! Their Investment was paid off. The voyage to Hawaii was under way, and their new life on Xultation would shortly begin... Watching them from the hangway, I envied their certainty about the future.
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Old 05-10-2015   #2
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Gale
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Old 05-11-2015   #3
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Sonic CD - Cosmic Eternity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrqXpYwS9nI

Maybe this doesn't count because it is well past the "So Bad It's Great" threshold. But it is so far past that I think it wraps around to bad again.
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Old 05-11-2015   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lancet Jades View Post
Saw that coming.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snapplecrack View Post
I don't care if it's by design, the design is fucking shit. It's a shit song.
You're just too uncultured to understand this song's brilliance.

If a game has bad or mediocre music, I usually turn it off and listen to my own stuff. Unless, it's, like, Xenoblade or something along those lines, my own music is my default when playing games. The only song that I can really remember hating was by my idol Nobuo Uematsu, of all people.

Eternity from Blue Dragon

On its own the only problem with it is the weird vocals, but holy goddamn does it get repetitive during lengthy boss battles. It loops incessantly through a very small portion of the song, and those awkward vocals get even worse every time.
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Old 05-12-2015   #5
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Saw that coming.
Frankly I am amazed he managed to boil down his hatred of Gale into the mere mention of the tune.
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Old 05-12-2015   #6
Don Chipotle
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The only reason people hate Gale is because it's the song they hear most often. It's not even the worst song in the game but it's like a reverse Stockholm Syndrome or something. Also it stands out because the highs of Chrono Cross' music are fucking high.

Golden Sun Battle Theme


I really hate this song. It's not offensively terrible (though for Sakuraba it's low tier as fuck) but its problem is that it is inappropriate. It doesn't fit a random battle theme, it's too...intense. It's not the worst part about Golden Sun but it isn't helping its case at all.
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How dreamlike to see my x-sisters, outside the context of a Papa Song dome. They sang Papa Song’s Psalm, over and over; background hydraulics underbassed that sickening melody. But how jubilant they sounded! Their Investment was paid off. The voyage to Hawaii was under way, and their new life on Xultation would shortly begin... Watching them from the hangway, I envied their certainty about the future.
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Old 05-12-2015   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snapplecrack View Post
The only reason people hate Gale is because it's the song they hear most often. It's not even the worst song in the game but it's like a reverse Stockholm Syndrome or something. Also it stands out because the highs of Chrono Cross' music are fucking high.
This is the best explanation, really. It also doesn't help that the beginning of Gale is so grating, too, and it is the part of Gale that people will hear the most (literally every non-boss battle).
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