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Old 09-04-2010   #1
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Saph's newest FF7 run

Just thought I'd make a log of the game as I play it. Currently on the train after the opening mission. It's no secret I hate this game but it felt like a good time to give it another try.


WARNING: CONTAINS COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF PROFANITY!



Opening. What opening? Not even an FF7 logo. Just a New Game and Continue option. At least other FFs had a title screen.

So New Game. You know the story. I'm just bringing attention to things throughout the game.


First battle and immediate staus menu check:

- Cloud takes 4 damage from maghine gun fire. 10 damage from physical hits. Spock does not approve of the lack of logic.
- Cloud has 2 spells. Ice and Bolt. Fire was his starting spell in Dissidia. Is it a crime to want consistency?
- Cloud's magic stat is as high as his strength stat. With a two handed sword. Next party member's magic is half his strength?
- The lack of healing magic irks me. I hate being depenedant on items.
- Starting you off with a Phoenix down as if those 4 damage hits could kill you is an insult.


Miscellaneous Note:

- I never paid close attention to Cloud's attitude at the start. He's already all "Meh, don't care." The same attitude that people claim makes him emo in AC that they claim wasn't present in VII. I tried to analyze it as "Sephiroth was Cloud's goal, but once he was gone, what was left to cling to?" as a realistic turn to take, but he's already this way. Next person who says Cloud isn't emo will get brutally tortured. Death is too merciful. Because the shortsightedness of the fans is astounding.


Barrett Joins:

- Gun is strength based!? BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!
- Has no starting spells, his MP pool is laughing at me in the face that I don't have Osmose.
- At least this game still has rows. Back row works for guns. God damnit, a reason to not hate guns? Shit....
- He censor bypasses. More on this later.

First boss:

- You get a restore materia right before it.
- THE GAME DOESN'T LET YOU FUCKING EQUIP THE DAMN HEALING SPELL IT GIVES YOU FOR THIS BOSS! This would have been the perfect time for a materia tutorial. (Barett: Hey Cloud! Better equip that, might come in handy!") But no. Spock does not approve of this lack of logic.
- 3 fights before the boss, Barrett reaches Limit Break Status. Replaces his fight command. I want to save it for the boss. Forced to skip turns with triangle since he has no other method of attack. God damnit what a horrid oversight.
- "Attack while it's tail's up! It'll counterattack with its laser!" Yes, he fucking WANTS you to die. DO IT, FAGGOT! In all seriousness, that target lock skill takes way too long for so little effect.
- 10 minutes to evacuate is way too lenient. That's 10 minutes Shinra's forces could have spent disarming it. Also, why is the elevator ride suddenly instant? It took like 30 seconds before.


Current Rating: Why the fuck did I actually spend money on this out of 10.
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Old 09-04-2010   #2
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Man, a lot of that shit is totally you just reaching for things to dislike about this game.


Bitching about phoenix downs? The lack of a title screen? The fucking Dissidia thing? Lack of starting healing magic? Like, dude, come on. If that is what you are griping about right out the box, why bother doing this at all? It clearly seems that you were not going into this with an unbiased mind. '


And yes, the translation is bad, this is an established thing.
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Old 09-04-2010   #3
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The train and Midgar:

- Barrett Censor bypasses, saying "Shi't" Much like on an internet forum with an autofilter. Someone ban him.
- The grammar becomes apparent, "Havin' everyone worried like that you don't give a damn 'bout no one but yourself!" I'm not even talking about the double negative, which people say verbally anyways, but the lack of a comma.
- Closer look at Biggs reveals a wardrome inspired by Rambo or something.
- Jesse is racist. Cloud's face was piutch black. Had to clean it for him.
- I sympathise with the guy who hates the last train.
- Top plate is 50 meters above ground? They use metric? Surprising, thought it was Translated in America.
- Cloud acts like its his first time seeing the city. How soon was this after he ran into Tifa!? No wait, he met her IN the city. Plothole, already.
- Yes, Barrett, the city on a plate is indeed a fucking pizza that makes the people underneath supper, err, suffer. At least they have food.
- On topa that? Silly Barrett, that slang's for hicks!
- I do admit that I do like the comparison of the train to life in the slums. One of the few things I always liked about the game.
- Silly Barrett, Marlene is YOUR little baby!
- A pinball machine as an elevator? Waste of a good machine....
- The fact that I have the option to tell Tifa "Give me something hard" makes me think she's a man with implants.
- Tifa's drinks taste the best. Good to know. I thought the slums alcoholics drank from being too poor to live elsewhere.
- What the fuck, Biggs just hit the camera when Barrett threw him!?
- I now have the option to reply "Blow off" to Wedge. Cloud's sexual orientation is brought into further doubt.
- Wait... just noticed... THEY HAVE NO MOUTHES!? Oh, and plot oversight: You can see the stars when they're in Midgar? And OH, RIGHT, SOLDIERs work for Shinra, in Midgar, SO WHY WAS CLOUD ACTING LIKE IT WAS HIS FIRST TIME IN MIDGAR?
- Cloud wants to be the best there is, just like Sephiroth. Poor choice in role model bud, spoilers and all that!
- Cloud just asked "What?" twice to Tifa explaining herself, and then makes a promise after the second what without an answer. Moron.
- Barrett pays for mercs out of Marlene's school funds. Fail parent is fail.
- Right, so I couldn't change materia earlier because Barrett didn't know how. Thanks a fucking lot.

Next time! The Number 5 reactor!



Current rating: I might try to make it better by treating this like an LP/10
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Old 09-04-2010   #4
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I dont even think you're being serious anymore.
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How dreamlike to see my x-sisters, outside the context of a Papa Song dome. They sang Papa Song’s Psalm, over and over; background hydraulics underbassed that sickening melody. But how jubilant they sounded! Their Investment was paid off. The voyage to Hawaii was under way, and their new life on Xultation would shortly begin... Watching them from the hangway, I envied their certainty about the future.
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Old 09-04-2010   #5
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I dont even think you're being serious anymore.
Very astute observation, I'm trying to laugh it up. Much more productive than raging.
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Old 09-04-2010   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lubba View Post
- Cloud's magic stat is as high as his strength stat. With a two handed sword. Next party member's magic is half his strength?
They're telling the story outside the narrative. Cloud is an elite ex-soldier, of course he's going to be powerful.

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Originally Posted by Lubba View Post
- Gun is strength based!? BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!
You'd rather it be flat damage like in real life?

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Originally Posted by Lubba View Post
- I never paid close attention to Cloud's attitude at the start. He's already all "Meh, don't care." The same attitude that people claim makes him emo in AC that they claim wasn't present in VII. I tried to analyze it as "Sephiroth was Cloud's goal, but once he was gone, what was left to cling to?" as a realistic turn to take, but he's already this way. Next person who says Cloud isn't emo will get brutally tortured. Death is too merciful. Because the shortsightedness of the fans is astounding.
Cloud isn't emo, and I don't think you know what that word means. He isn't whining about how he's got it worse than everyone else, he's just... apathetic. His life's kinda not going anywhere right now, and yeah you're kinda right, he's got nothing to give a shit about right now. You'd make as strong a case saying Guts from Berserk (which I forget if you've seen, if not get on it) is emo, since he's got the same personal dilemma (though Berserk shows you his thoughts in crippling horrifying detail so fuck yeah Berserk).

As for AC, it's his personality there that's flawed. He grows throughout the game, and is hardly apathetic/emo by the end, so he has no reason to be so moody in AC. But then AC wasn't meant to have any quality to it to begin with anyway.

Also, I made the same promise that the next person that uses the word emo will be brutally tortured. Funny how things work out like that.

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- Barrett Censor bypasses, saying "Shi't" Much like on an internet forum with an autofilter. Someone ban him.
Banned for bypassing the EF wordfilter.

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Originally Posted by Lubba View Post
Very astute observation, I'm trying to laugh it up. Much more productive than raging.
This is much preferred. If you come upon something that seriously pisses you off or makes you facepalm, by all means go for it, but your nitpicking really isn't helping your cause.

Last edited by Yvlla; 09-04-2010 at 02:10 AM.
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Old 09-04-2010   #7
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No more bitching about the lack of realism with guns unless you want sword slashes in Tales games (and other RPGs) to instantly kill (decapitate, bisect, or disembowel) most enemies that have no reasonable protection. Surviving multiple slashes of an edged sword is less realistic than surviving multiple machine gun bursts, depending on where the gun struck you (and how accurate the person was). Although the main point is that BOTH WILL VERY PROBABLY KILL YOU.
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Old 09-04-2010   #8
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Cloud isn't emo in the same way Squall isn't emo.


Cloud not caring is totally in line with his whole "pssh i'm a merc, whatever" thing since most mercs probably don't give a shit about the job so long as they are getting paid. But then he has no real reason to care about the poor people or their problems because fuck it, why should he get involved. He flat out says he doesn't care about the planet. That's not emo. That's just not giving a shit.
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How dreamlike to see my x-sisters, outside the context of a Papa Song dome. They sang Papa Song’s Psalm, over and over; background hydraulics underbassed that sickening melody. But how jubilant they sounded! Their Investment was paid off. The voyage to Hawaii was under way, and their new life on Xultation would shortly begin... Watching them from the hangway, I envied their certainty about the future.
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Old 09-04-2010   #9
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Originally Posted by Don Chipotlé View Post
Cloud isn't emo in the same way Squall isn't emo.


Cloud not caring is totally in line with his whole "pssh i'm a merc, whatever" thing since most mercs probably don't give a shit about the job so long as they are getting paid. But then he has no real reason to care about the poor people or their problems because fuck it, why should he get involved. He flat out says he doesn't care about the planet. That's not emo. That's just not giving a shit.
No, no, you misunderstood. Cloud is emo because Saph wants to think he is so he has more reason to hate the game and hate people who like it.
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Old 09-04-2010   #10
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You'd make as strong a case saying Guts from Berserk (which I forget if you've seen, if not get on it) is emo, since he's got the same personal dilemma (though Berserk shows you his thoughts in crippling horrifying detail so fuck yeah Berserk).
The manga, I've read the entire thing, every last chapter that's been released in english. But not the Anime.

I quite like the progression of Guts' character. He starts off in a harsh merc company who see him as a bad omen, born from a corpse. The one time his sword wasn't within reach, well, needless to say he came to realize that his sword was all he could place his trust in. But then he encounters the Band of the Hawk. He changes a lot only to be betrayed and to have everyone he cared about killed or worse, but he was driven. Driven for revenge. Although he plunged into brooding and apparent apathy, he had a goal he had to accomplish. It kept him focused.

Cloud was also driven. Driven to kill Sephiroth. But unlike Guts, between his betrayal (when Sephiroth turned out to be a villain) and when he became driven, he had a time with no goal. Two of them. The start of FF7, and Advent Children. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying emo as in bad. I'm saying that Cloud is brooding and apathetic, but can be driven.. Guts is the same and is in fact a good comparison. Or heck, Luke in Tales of the Abyss. Betrayed, becomes driven with a goal, completes the goal and acts emo, new goal and woosh. Kind of cliche, really.

That's right. Emo does not equal bad. But fans of the series cry about people saying emo. Kind of immature if you ask me. None of them even offer examples to support their claims. They just yell about how he isn't. Which is why I make a fuss about it at all, because it's one of the few things that adds any realism to his character, and they deny it because he's an all powerful god and is above the weakness of humanity.

If there was a better word for it than emo that we could use, without turning it into a big long paragraph every time, I bet we could get everyone to agree on it. It`s just that the word emo has negative stigma attached.

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As for AC, it's his personality there that's flawed. He grows throughout the game, and is hardly apathetic/emo by the end, so he has no reason to be so moody in AC. But then AC wasn't meant to have any quality to it to begin with anyway.
See above when I mentionned lack of drive in AC. IMO, a realistic turn of events after the events of VII. One of the only things I actually like about his character, which speaks volumes considering how vocal I normally am in my seething hatred. Please don't take that from me, I like few enough things about VII as is.

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Banned for bypassing the EF wordfilter.
High five!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yvl View Post
This is much preferred. If you come upon something that seriously pisses you off or makes you facepalm, by all means go for it, but your nitpicking really isn't helping your cause.
I don't think I could have joked AT ALL before. It's a good sign that time away from some of the more annoying internet communities has done wonders in letting me loosen up and relax, I'm hoping I can actually derrive some amusement from the game now. I actually smiled for once as I played it, at Barett's pizza line.

Am I enjoying it so far? No. But it's already gotten better, as you can see my first and second posts jumped from "Oh fucking fuck fuck" to "lolseriously? XD suuuuuure, silly barret, shut up and eat your Bitches-n-hoes cereal" If it improves, I might be able to actually genuinely laugh, who knows.

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No more bitching about the lack of realism with guns unless you want sword slashes in Tales games (and other RPGs) to instantly kill (decapitate, bisect, or disembowel) most enemies that have no reasonable protection. Surviving multiple slashes of an edged sword is less realistic than surviving multiple machine gun bursts, depending on where the gun struck you (and how accurate the person was). Although the main point is that BOTH WILL VERY PROBABLY KILL YOU.
My issue isn't the low damage, it's the disporportional damage. Since you mentionned Tales, rolling with that example. Many Tales heroes hgave used skills that involve weapons plus a body part. Cless had aerial kicks tossed into the middle of a Tiger Blade, for example. However, the sword always hit harder. Again with Tales of the Abyss. Luke punches, a lot. His sword typically hits for twice as much damage. Would it make sense to slash for 400 and then punch for 1000? Because that's what I;m talking about.

The only lack of realism I'm actually COMPLAINING about, which Yvl commented on, is the guns being based on strength. Strength is about how hard you can swing a club. Your strength has nothing to do with guns. Guns should be dexterity based, as it's the closest thing to an accuracy stat. Shot power being based on the calibur and the gun and your ability at targeting vulnerable spots makes the same amount of sense as a stronger swing and sharper blade doing more damage than a weakling with a rusty dull blade. (And yes, I'm against strength affecting crossbows as well, due to lack of muscle use in the damage influcting. Normal bows you can at least argue that your strength can have a minor effect to a point, but too much force can break the bowstring.

Swords and guns both killing you? I agree completely! A kick? I disagree. And it's the kick hitting harder than the gun that I was making fun of.
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