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Old 11-19-2011   #1
Don Chipotle
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Saint's Row: The Third is the best game of 2011

No, fuck your Skyrimjobs and your Modern Warfart 3s and your Battlefucks and your Assassin's Crap and your Un-fucking-believable-how-did-they-make-it-play-worse-than-the-second-Charted 3s. Those games all suck. Period.


Saint's Row: The Third is a god damn masterpiece of pure video game insanity. And I mean that in the best possible way. It's not a game where they want to have you explore this snowy ass land full of mountains and Swedish Chef racists or show off the power of the machine by crafting a stormy ocean or a game where they end it in the most anticlimactic way possible by having the big bad antagonist literally die by hanging. Spoilers for Modern Warfare 3, by the way. No. While there is a story in Saint's Row 3, it is not as important as what really matters in that game:

Pure. Fucking. Fun.

Saint's Row 3 is a game where you start off AWESOME and then JUST GET MORE AWESOME by the end of it. How do I mean, you ask?

In the third mission of the game, the third mission, the mission where most games would still be giving you a tutorial on how to fucking jump, Saint's Row 3 gives you, and I shit you not, predator missiles. Yeah, in the third fucking mission you get to control missiles from a UAV and blow up a fuckton of shit. And the best part? You then get to use predator missiles whenever the fuck you want.

This is the START OF THE GAME. And it only skyrockets from there. The game constantly goes "What's the craziest thing that could happen in this scenario?" AND THEN IT FUCKING HAPPENS. At one point in the game I blew up a cockpit of an airplane (by accident, storywise) and rather than parachuting out instead I hop into a tank and freefall in the tank from 300,000 feet in the air. And then the game decides to send VTOL jets and other tanks at me, which results in a midair fight of Tank vs OTHER TANKS AND JETS all the while my character is spouting off how terrible this whole idea was.

That's a defining story point, too.

Before crazy shit: This is a terrible idea
During crazy shit: This was a terrible idea
After crazy shit: That was a terrible idea

But the writing is often super sharp and actually funny. Like for every dick and cheap sex joke, there are actually gags that work. And even if they don't, the game never backs down from a joke. They are committed. There is a character in the game who speaks entirely in auto-tune. When you find him, there is a gag in his mouth. But, and no one brings this up in game, there is also a gag on the hole in his throat that he speaks out of. It's super subtle but super fucking hilarious. There's a part in the game where you literally play an oldschool text adventure game. I did not make that up. You play a text adventure game.

And the gameplay itself is also fun and improved. The shooting is great and the driving is fun without feeling too floaty or insane. You can upgrade your guns to do crazy shit. By the end of the game my pistols shot exploding bullets and my SMGs pierced armor and shocked people. Dudes with riot shields would fly into the air when I shot them with my explody pistol. One of these upgrades makes it so you take no damage from bullets. No damage at all. And pretty much every enemy in the game uses bullets. Yeah, it's that kind of game.

It also has the single greatest cameo in video game history.

It's an open world game but not a fake open world like L.A. Noire or Arkham City, but a real open world that is a delight to explore and find shit. And boy are there a lot of ways to explore shit. Don't like driving? Hop in a helicopter. Don't like those? How about a fucking JET PLANE? What, not enough? Well how about A FUCKING JET MOTORCYCLE THAT FLIES THROUGH THE AIR? Oh, you're a retro fan? Well how would you fell about cruising through the city in a tank straight out of Tank from the Atari? Well you can drive all of those in Saints Row 3.

Saints Row 3 also has a love of music at just the right times. Let's just say that this game has a moment where characters sing an ENTIRE song by Sublime and another where a Bonnie Tyler song plays during a particularly dramatic moment. Oh speaking of dramatic moments, did I mention that the game has choices? Though they aren't exactly moral but one of them alters the story in a really cool way.

I've talked about a lot of the things in the game but even with all the stuff I mentioned, the game is still way crazier and insane and just fucking fun to play. There may be better looking games, there may be better sounding games, there may be better written games and there may be better playing games, but no game in 2011 is as fun as Saints Row The Third.

And that is why it is the best game of 2011.
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Old 11-19-2011   #2
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Fuck yes. Craziest series ever.
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Old 11-20-2011   #3
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The game is fucking amazing and I agree 100% with what Droog said.


Especially the awesome missions with the songs throughout them. The Power mission? Holy Fuck my jaw was on the ground the whole time.
And when they were singing What I Got by Sublime I was too.

Fucking A this game is great.
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Old 11-20-2011   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurbee View Post
The game is fucking amazing and I agree 100% with what Droog said.


Especially the awesome missions with the songs throughout them. The Power mission? Holy Fuck my jaw was on the ground the whole time.
And when they were singing What I Got by Sublime I was too.

Fucking A this game is great.


I was a fan of the mission where You're The Best played because they started it at the perfect moment.
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How dreamlike to see my x-sisters, outside the context of a Papa Song dome. They sang Papa Song’s Psalm, over and over; background hydraulics underbassed that sickening melody. But how jubilant they sounded! Their Investment was paid off. The voyage to Hawaii was under way, and their new life on Xultation would shortly begin... Watching them from the hangway, I envied their certainty about the future.
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Old 11-20-2011   #5
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I'm keeping an open mind about this one. Regrettably I don't want to spend money on it since I dunno if I'd like it (I generally prefer things I can enjoy with my family, and yeah... dildo bats and sex jokes don't mix with children and all that) and no one I know IRL has it yet....

Honestly, if ll I saw was the trailers, I wouldn't want it. But the thing is, supposedly Saint's Row is like the old GTAs as far as silliness goes. To quote one of my old co-workers, "Saint's Row is GTA without the morals." And there's an undeniable amount of awesome in that statement.

So yes. I do want to play it. I'm not sold on buying it (cut me some slack - I starve for a week a month as is even without wasting money elsewhere - like on games) but I do want to give it a chance and play it until I can't take anymore - whether that means 5 hours or 500.
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Old 11-20-2011   #6
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Saint's Row is like San Andreas taken to 11 and then multiplied by 100. And then that is multiplied by like 50.

What I'm saying is Saints Row is its own beast when compared to GTA. It started off as just a functional GTA clone, but then SR2 came out and became a crazy awesome fun simulator and then SR3 improved on that and now the only similarity it has with GTA is that you can steal cars and shoot people.
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How dreamlike to see my x-sisters, outside the context of a Papa Song dome. They sang Papa Song’s Psalm, over and over; background hydraulics underbassed that sickening melody. But how jubilant they sounded! Their Investment was paid off. The voyage to Hawaii was under way, and their new life on Xultation would shortly begin... Watching them from the hangway, I envied their certainty about the future.
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Old 11-20-2011   #7
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I saw this game played yesterday. This looks like what GTA would have been if it hadn't gone down the path of an ultra-realistic crime sim. It reminds me of when the series was actually fun, back in the days of Vice City or SA.
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Old 11-20-2011   #8
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That's a good way of putting it. Like I said it may not be the best written or looking or designed game, but it is the most fun. And that has to count for something
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How dreamlike to see my x-sisters, outside the context of a Papa Song dome. They sang Papa Song’s Psalm, over and over; background hydraulics underbassed that sickening melody. But how jubilant they sounded! Their Investment was paid off. The voyage to Hawaii was under way, and their new life on Xultation would shortly begin... Watching them from the hangway, I envied their certainty about the future.
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Old 11-20-2011   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbow Dash View Post
I saw this game played yesterday. This looks like what GTA would have been if it hadn't gone down the path of an ultra-realistic crime sim. It reminds me of when the series was actually fun, back in the days of Vice City or SA.
This is pretty much what I meant.

Last Gen's GTA games were... well, GTAIV was quite different from Vice City or San Andreas. They were fun in their own right - the free roam was MORE fun than in GTAIV. But I found IV had the more compelling story that actually made me finish it rather than treat it like a giant sandbox.

Hence why I'm hesitant to spend money on SR3. I've heard the analogy made that "SR2 moved in on the market that was left behind when GTA grew up" And although I enjoyed messing around in the free roam, I really had little incentive to play through the whole story (especially with some of the more annoying missions.)

This is why I really want to give SR3 a chance but don't want to spend money on it until I know for sure if it's my thing.
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Old 11-20-2011   #10
Don Chipotle
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In SR3 you can run around the city with Hulk Hogan and give old ladies dropkicks and DDTs and Bulldogs. It is amazing.
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How dreamlike to see my x-sisters, outside the context of a Papa Song dome. They sang Papa Song’s Psalm, over and over; background hydraulics underbassed that sickening melody. But how jubilant they sounded! Their Investment was paid off. The voyage to Hawaii was under way, and their new life on Xultation would shortly begin... Watching them from the hangway, I envied their certainty about the future.
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