Applejack
09-27-2009, 12:58 PM
SO YEAH THIS GAME CALLED WET CAME OUT LIKE LAST WEEK OR SOMETHING AND I WAS TOTALLY TALKING ABOUT THE DEMO WHEN I MADE A TOPIC ABOUT IT. WELL I'VE FINISHED THE GAME ON HARD MODE (BECAUSE I AINT NO PUSSY ASS MOTHERFUCKER THAT PLAYS ON NORMAL) AND I THINK I NEED TO REVIEW THIS BAD BOY.
SO BASICALLY YOU PLAY AS THIS RUBI MALONE CHICK WHO IS A 'FIXER' WHICH BASICALLY MEANS SHE GETS SHIT DONE AS LONG AS YOU PAY HER. WELL SOME MOTHERFUCKER BACKSTABBED HER AND LEFT HER FOR DEAD AND SHE AINT HAVING THAT AND SETS OFF ON A QUEST TO GET REVENGE. AND MONEY. TYPICAL REVENGE STORY, YEAH. WHAT I LIKE ABOUT RUBI IS THAT SHE'S TOTALLY ONE OF THOSE STRONG FEMALE LEADS, BUT WITHOUT BEING WAY OVER SEXUALIZED. THEY DON'T GIVE HER DOUBLE D'S AND HAVE HER PRANCE AROUND IN SKIMPY CLOTHES. AND SHE'S A MUCH BETTER CHARACTER BECAUSE OF IT. EVEN IF SOME OF HER LINES ARE HILARIOUSLY CAMPY. BUT THAT'S THE POINT.
SO THE GAME DOES NOT HIDE THE FACT THAT IT IS 'BORROWING' ELEMENTS FROM A BUNCH OF B-MOVIE, GRINDHOUSE, DRIVE-IN 70S CHEESY ACTION FLICK MOVIES. THE GAME HAS A CONSTANT FILM GRAIN EFFECT (YOU CAN TURN IT OFF, BUT FUCKING WHY) AND EVERY LEVEL, WHILE LOADING THE NEXT AREA, THERE WILL BE A TRAILER FOR, LIKE, GOING TO THE CONCESSION STAND OR TALKING ABOUT HOW AMERICA IS AWESOME AND EVEN A TRAILER FOR SOME HORROR FLICK. IT'S KINDA AWESOME THE FIRST FEW TIMES. AND THEN IT KINDA LOSES ITS CLEVERNESS AS IT BECOMES MORE AND MORE OBVIOUS THAT IT'S JUST A WAY TO HIDE LOAD SCREENS.
THE GAME STARTS OFF WITH CRAZY SHIT GOING ON AND IT ONLY GETS CRAZIER FROM THERE. YOU START OUT WITH ONLY A FEW ABILITIES, BUT AS YOU LEVEL UP WITH STYLE POINTS, YOU TURN INTO A FUCKING DEATH MACHINE, MOTHERFUCKER FUCK YEAH YOU CUT NIGGAS UP LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING SAMURAI OR SOME SHIT. OR YOU SHOOT DUDES IN THE FACE WITH A GOD DAMN SHOTGUN AND THEIR HEAD EXPLODES LIKE SCANNERS OR SOME SHIT. YOU NEVER RUN OUT OF THAT SLO-MO POTION AND YOU'RE ENCOURAGED TO BE AS INSANE AS FUCK TO GET POINTS.
Okay enough trying to capitalize on the demo thread. The game is full of things that are kinda cool once and then are significantly less so. It's short, but by the third level you will really start to think "Man I did this two levels ago". Every level has a section (sometimes two) where you have to close doors unless enemies respawn forever. And in every single one of these, the game spawns an enemy with a god damn minigun. It's annoying. Once the novelty of being badass wears off, you realize that it's full of bullshit difficulty and a sense of deja vu. The enemy bullets take off, like, two bars of health and seem to home in on you. And you are shooting a dude in the face with a maxed out shotgun at point blank and they are not being made dead.
The soundtrack is tits. That means it's fucking awesome. One of the best I've heard. I want it. Now.
It's a fun game that is shallow and has an awesome soundtrack I'd finish reviewing this in more detail but lunch is ready. So, like, rent it or something.
3/5.
SO BASICALLY YOU PLAY AS THIS RUBI MALONE CHICK WHO IS A 'FIXER' WHICH BASICALLY MEANS SHE GETS SHIT DONE AS LONG AS YOU PAY HER. WELL SOME MOTHERFUCKER BACKSTABBED HER AND LEFT HER FOR DEAD AND SHE AINT HAVING THAT AND SETS OFF ON A QUEST TO GET REVENGE. AND MONEY. TYPICAL REVENGE STORY, YEAH. WHAT I LIKE ABOUT RUBI IS THAT SHE'S TOTALLY ONE OF THOSE STRONG FEMALE LEADS, BUT WITHOUT BEING WAY OVER SEXUALIZED. THEY DON'T GIVE HER DOUBLE D'S AND HAVE HER PRANCE AROUND IN SKIMPY CLOTHES. AND SHE'S A MUCH BETTER CHARACTER BECAUSE OF IT. EVEN IF SOME OF HER LINES ARE HILARIOUSLY CAMPY. BUT THAT'S THE POINT.
SO THE GAME DOES NOT HIDE THE FACT THAT IT IS 'BORROWING' ELEMENTS FROM A BUNCH OF B-MOVIE, GRINDHOUSE, DRIVE-IN 70S CHEESY ACTION FLICK MOVIES. THE GAME HAS A CONSTANT FILM GRAIN EFFECT (YOU CAN TURN IT OFF, BUT FUCKING WHY) AND EVERY LEVEL, WHILE LOADING THE NEXT AREA, THERE WILL BE A TRAILER FOR, LIKE, GOING TO THE CONCESSION STAND OR TALKING ABOUT HOW AMERICA IS AWESOME AND EVEN A TRAILER FOR SOME HORROR FLICK. IT'S KINDA AWESOME THE FIRST FEW TIMES. AND THEN IT KINDA LOSES ITS CLEVERNESS AS IT BECOMES MORE AND MORE OBVIOUS THAT IT'S JUST A WAY TO HIDE LOAD SCREENS.
THE GAME STARTS OFF WITH CRAZY SHIT GOING ON AND IT ONLY GETS CRAZIER FROM THERE. YOU START OUT WITH ONLY A FEW ABILITIES, BUT AS YOU LEVEL UP WITH STYLE POINTS, YOU TURN INTO A FUCKING DEATH MACHINE, MOTHERFUCKER FUCK YEAH YOU CUT NIGGAS UP LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING SAMURAI OR SOME SHIT. OR YOU SHOOT DUDES IN THE FACE WITH A GOD DAMN SHOTGUN AND THEIR HEAD EXPLODES LIKE SCANNERS OR SOME SHIT. YOU NEVER RUN OUT OF THAT SLO-MO POTION AND YOU'RE ENCOURAGED TO BE AS INSANE AS FUCK TO GET POINTS.
Okay enough trying to capitalize on the demo thread. The game is full of things that are kinda cool once and then are significantly less so. It's short, but by the third level you will really start to think "Man I did this two levels ago". Every level has a section (sometimes two) where you have to close doors unless enemies respawn forever. And in every single one of these, the game spawns an enemy with a god damn minigun. It's annoying. Once the novelty of being badass wears off, you realize that it's full of bullshit difficulty and a sense of deja vu. The enemy bullets take off, like, two bars of health and seem to home in on you. And you are shooting a dude in the face with a maxed out shotgun at point blank and they are not being made dead.
The soundtrack is tits. That means it's fucking awesome. One of the best I've heard. I want it. Now.
It's a fun game that is shallow and has an awesome soundtrack I'd finish reviewing this in more detail but lunch is ready. So, like, rent it or something.
3/5.