About to meet a friend of 5 years.

[Mina]

I'm not sure if throughout my time I've mentioned a person named James. I know I've mentioned a lot of people and men of interest in passing. So here's some information.

I met James online five years ago. We used to talk every day and on the phone often. I always thought he was attractive, and I guess I had a crush on him. Not sure about how I felt, we were just friends. He generally always had girlfriends, and back then I was overweight and hideous. We never showed interest in each other, but I wasnt asking for it to go anywhere, I liked him as my friend. He was a great friend. But he would always disappear, I wouldnt see him online for months, etc. I took it personally- why didnt he call, write me an email, and so on. Though whenever we'd get back in touch I'd still feel he genuinely cared.
As of this year, and hints last year, he's mentioned he had interested in me. We're open about that and how attracted we are to each other. We caught up and talk casual and have intimate conversation. It got very intense, and the desire for each other sexually, and even just to be together in person was strong.

On August 9th, I'm going to meet James.
The one person who always liked me for me, the friend who wasn't perfect but was one of the best I ever had, James the guy I'd never imagined I could have.
I haven't felt that "butterflys" feeling in years. I'm usually content. I'm excited, and nervous as hell.
I have a feeling we'll be compatible in person, though I can handle just friends. Thats what I always knew him as.
I'm a bit nervous. When he said he felt his heart jumping in anticipation (mind you hes like my father, he rarely shows or speaks of intense emotion), I know it's actually real.
I'm nervous as hell. Though for the first time in a long time I feel excited and happy toward something.

My life had been about Fibromyalgia, jobs, money, vanity, surgery, misery, and a hell a lot of other stuff. He found me attractive before I lost 80something pounds, and he's always been gorgeous and had skinny, supermodel looking girlfriends.
I guess I need better friends.;]



Things I'd like an opinion on:
-I have recently been tested. He says he has and from what I know, he's dated 2 girls for years and only had a few girls in bed he wasnt dating. I believe him. Should I trust him about getting tested? Sure, safe sex is the right choice, but I hate condoms.

-I dont associate sex with romance. What if there is romance? I only have him here for 3 weeks. He doesnt have a job back in California. I have Fibromyalgia, even on Lyrica Im sometimes in pain, and jobs wont keep me if I'm in random pain for who knows how long. Its hard to see a stable future. I love money, but I can love a man without any. I want to support myself anyway, but I couldnt support him. Would it be worth holding onto romance with him after he leaves financially? Thinking of my future is all.

-Hes staying with me in my house since I was too poor to go over there and get a place to stay. He also doesnt have enough for a hotel or anything. Im doing this because I feel strongly about actually knowing him. What do I do if something goes wrong and hes not what I thought?

[Kaffee]

-I have recently been tested. He says he has and from what I know, he's dated 2 girls for years and only had a few girls in bed he wasnt dating. I believe him. Should I trust him about getting tested? Sure, safe sex is the right choice, but I hate condoms.

Ummm...I really don't get youth, condoms save lives and that's been proven. Never mind the fact that they're an effective birth control that's safer for woman that birth control pills. That being said, its your choice, but frankly I would never leave my sexual saftey to my partner, its my decision however. I don't like using condoms but I won't let my girl take something that has the potential to harm her. As far as being tested, that something that you'll have to just use your best judgement on I guess, you know this person better than me. Of course you its life, and I'm not one to tell anyone how to live there lives. I just hope that you'll be safe and okay with any decision you make.


-I dont associate sex with romance. What if there is romance? I only have him here for 3 weeks. He doesnt have a job back in California. I have Fibromyalgia, even on Lyrica Im sometimes in pain, and jobs wont keep me if I'm in random pain for who knows how long. Its hard to see a stable future. I love money, but I can love a man without any. I want to support myself anyway, but I couldnt support him. Would it be worth holding onto romance with him after he leaves financially? Thinking of my future is all.

nothing wrong with looking out for yourself. You want somebody to be able to support you, there's nothing wrong with that, just remember its a two-way street.


-Hes staying with me in my house since I was too poor to go over there and get a place to stay. He also doesnt have enough for a hotel or anything. Im doing this because I feel strongly about actually knowing him. What do I do if something goes wrong and hes not what I thought?

Ask him to leave, is there someone around that could support you if that happens? It is my hope that you are careful and don't get into a situation where you get hurt. Hopefully things will work out for you. I wishing you the best.



On a side note, my future mother-in-law has Fibromyalgia, its not fun. I wish you all the best.

[Mina]

Ummm...I really don't get youth, condoms save lives and that's been proven. Never mind the fact that they're an effective birth control that's safer for woman that birth control pills. That being said, its your choice, but frankly I would never leave my sexual saftey to my partner, its my decision however. I don't like using condoms but I won't let my girl take something that has the potential to harm her. As far as being tested, that something that you'll have to just use your best judgement on I guess, you know this person better than me. Of course you its life, and I'm not one to tell anyone how to live there lives. I just hope that you'll be safe and okay with any decision you make.

That's generally my view. It was more or less, I feel he's never lied, known him so long, should i trust him THAT much? Just something I'm thinking on.
Trust me, out of everyone I know whos had sex, Im the ONLY ONE who never was, or though was, or thought may have been pregnant. Im on the pill AND I carry condoms in my purse.
It was more a question of, how far should my trust go. I'd like to trust him, and Id hate to have to use condoms with him. Maybe when he's here I can have him tested. I'm sure he'd understand.


Ask him to leave, is there someone around that could support you if that happens? It is my hope that you are careful and don't get into a situation where you get hurt. Hopefully things will work out for you. I wishing you the best.
I have a big heart, how could I sau "look i think you should leave, i dont think we get along" guess id have no choice.


On a side note, my future mother-in-law has Fibromyalgia, its not fun. I wish you all the best.
thanks, im trying so hard not to let it consume my life.

thanks for your in put :D

[Altima]

I have never used condoms myself, of course I trusted my partner 100% so it never even came up. She disliked them and I was fine with it.

You say you know how many partners he had and that he thought they were safe, but he could always be telling you what you want to hear in order to get into your pants. Afterall he is noly here for 3 weeks so he has to work fast to get to score with you or he may feel that way at least.

It is always possible to not know someone you thought that you knew. You can do it in real life and everything so it is easier to do with someone you know online only. He could have made up a story here or there or be any kind of guy, and not who you thought he was.

I would recommend that someone else either be with you a bit when you are with him, or to at least call you once a day to check up on how you are doing.

I can also see why he would dig you, you are 1 fine lady.

[Mina]

I have never used condoms myself, of course I trusted my partner 100% so it never even came up. She disliked them and I was fine with it.
So, you've only had 1 partner? Or all the times you always trusted who it was? I dont understand.

You say you know how many partners he had and that he thought they were safe, but he could always be telling you what you want to hear in order to get into your pants. Afterall he is noly here for 3 weeks so he has to work fast to get to score with you or he may feel that way at least.

Ok true, but the point is I've known him 5 years and only recently hes expressed hes been/is attracted to me. I never trust anyone but thats what makes me believe what he says. And trust me, he's GORGEOUS, he has NO trouble finding chicks.

It is always possible to not know someone you thought that you knew. You can do it in real life and everything so it is easier to do with someone you know online only. He could have made up a story here or there or be any kind of guy, and not who you thought he was.

The phone helps a lot. Also I have spoken online and briefly on the phone with a friend of his. Shes down to earth, I like her. She had added me on myspace when he spoke about me to her. That made me feel more comfortable. I guess if I get nervous I can add his best friends, brother, and just say hi, and let him and them know, meeting them even online will make me feel like I know him better- if hes ok with it, if I feel I need to.
I would recommend that someone else either be with you a bit when you are with him, or to at least call you once a day to check up on how you are doing.
Well I live with my parents but it'd be embarrassing like "hey i invited him here but i dont like him". I doubt tll happen but gotta plan ahead. I have friends thatd help me, yeah.

I can also see why he would dig you, you are 1 fine lady.
Heh, um, thanks I guess

[The Deity]

Things I'd like an opinion on:
-I have recently been tested. He says he has and from what I know, he's dated 2 girls for years and only had a few girls in bed he wasnt dating. I believe him. Should I trust him about getting tested? Sure, safe sex is the right choice, but I hate condoms.

Personally I wouldn't go at it without condoms with someone that despite knowing for a long time, you don't know a whole lot. Talking on the phone and on the internet you're really presenting a controlled version of yourself. I would assume he's worth trusting, but I wouldn't feel comfortable.


-I dont associate sex with romance. What if there is romance? I only have him here for 3 weeks. He doesnt have a job back in California. I have Fibromyalgia, even on Lyrica Im sometimes in pain, and jobs wont keep me if I'm in random pain for who knows how long. Its hard to see a stable future. I love money, but I can love a man without any. I want to support myself anyway, but I couldnt support him. Would it be worth holding onto romance with him after he leaves financially? Thinking of my future is all.

I don't think you should make that choice after three weeks. If it feels right, romance is perfectly fine though. You certainly shouldn't try to support the both of you though.

-Hes staying with me in my house since I was too poor to go over there and get a place to stay. He also doesnt have enough for a hotel or anything. Im doing this because I feel strongly about actually knowing him. What do I do if something goes wrong and hes not what I thought?

Well it would be silly for him to stay in a hotel. But yeah, you'd just have to be honest if things don't feel right. No one wants to have to do that, but stuff like this is a process of feeling each other out. If you don't like it, then you move on.

[Mina]

I don't think you should make that choice after three weeks. If it feels right, romance is perfectly fine though. You certainly shouldn't try to support the both of you though.

well, yea of course. just thinking